Self doubt and working through it

Ah, the bane of the creative mind; self doubt. So many times we are our own worst enemy and our internal dialog goes from figuring out how to do something to questioning why we are even trying in the first place. And this is when our creativity tends to dry up, which just compounds the issue and gives weight to the voices of doubt. Of course, what doesn't help is that we are not only our own harshest critics, we also tend to strive for that elusive 'perfection'...something that if I'm being honest, is a huge stumbling block that will never be achievable without having the courage to make mistakes; as it's from making mistakes that we can truly grow as artists. But that pursuit of perfection, when combined with a unhealthy dose of self doubt will guarantee one outcome - the 'death' of your creativity.

I know, that's quite some intro into this blog post and kind of 'heavy' but I know I'm not alone in all this; and it doesn't just effect photographers. It doesn't just effect me in my photography, as I experience it is my other life, in I.T where I'm a Service-Now administrator. And it was as a part of this other life that recently saw me spending a week in Las Vegas for a big conference (and some training classes), where I took a little break from shooting with my Nikon gear; too big and cumbersome to take with me, on top of everything else I had to take. That and it wasn't like I would really have a lot of time to be a photographer. So I decided to just be a 'tourist' and took a small Sony point-and-shoot and have fun.

The Sony in question is a Cybershot DSC-WX350 with a 20x optical zoom; the first thing I did was to disable the digital zoom as I knew it would already be limited in image quality (as apposed to my dSLR) due to the smaller sensor and small aperture range. But other than that I just wanted to take some pictures and not care too much if they were blurry, grainy or otherwise poor quality; I had no plans to try and market them in any way. It was a chance to shoot whatever I felt like and not care about anything but having fun.

I will say it was pretty cool being able to just pop the Sony in my pocket and have it with me at all times. I even used it as a visual note taker during classes and presentations - which was a pretty useful feature. Hell, I even did something I have NEVER done before in all my time as a photographer...I set it to P (program) and let the camera make all the decisions for me. And do you know what, I don't (didn't) care! I tend to other think a lot of my photography, so it was liberating to not have to think above pointing the camera, framing/zooming and pushing the shutter button. Now, will I ever do that with my Nikon? Hell no! Where that beast is concerned, I'm a control freak and won't automate it above Aperture or Shutter Priority - or where my flash work is concerned, I'm in Manual mode. But for that week at least, I spent a lot of the time in P mode and took photos, lots of them and had a blast.  And more importantly, there was no nagging internal voice questioning my actions, berating my work for not being perfect or criticizing my work in any way. And that is the point about this whole post; we all need to step back and take a break, and just have fun with our art. So what if the photos are not perfectly focused, framed, lit, composed, grain free or so sharp you can cut yourself on them; because photos like that are often so spread out in your career that you have to accept that a good chunk of your time will be spent dealing with imperfection, that the great photos will really stand out when you make them.

Embrace the imperfection because in doing so, you will grow as a photographer and you will keep moving towards making better photographs, because it's only in taking lots of photo that you will improve yourself. Make mistakes, make lots of them...and above all, enjoy what you are doing.

Here is a photo taken at the House of Blues, in the Mandalay Bay hotel, taken with my Sony DSC-WX350.

And here is a couple taken while I wandered the Vegas strip, enjoying the sights and atmosphere.

What I've been up to

Been a little while since my last post here, partially because my (7:30am-4:30pm) other job has been taking more of my time; it can be hard finding time to run two jobs. I also ran into a "small" issue when attempting to use the ROES interface for an online photo lab - namely it did not want to work properly on my MacBook Pro.

I know that the computer world evolves at a very accelerated pace and so too do the best operating procedures, but it's been some time now that the general advise is to NOT run as the Administrator account for day-to-day things; and this is how I have my Mac setup. I have a "user" profile where all my photo software, photo files and everything else resides, and I have a separate admin account for when I need to run things at a higher system level. I very rarely log in as the admin as the usual procedure is to just authenticate my admin login when prompted. Now you are probably wondering where I am going with this AND how it relates to photography; the answer to this question is ROES or Remote Order Entry System. It is the system that the majority of online labs use for photographers to submit there work for printing.

I had signed up with an online lab, created my account, downloaded the ROES software and started the install. The software started to install then stopped - while attempting to download some settings. Okay, maybe I got a bad install package - delete it and download again. Still did the same thing at the same point in the install. Thinking that it may just be an "older style" installer that only works when in the admin account (still find this occasionally), I logged into the admin account and it installed. Great, finally have it installed so time to go back to my user account and try it out. Once I'm logged back in, I launch the ROES app and - nothing! It won't launch. For whatever reason, it will only run if I'm using my admin account; which is not something I intend to do as it is not safe computer user behavior. I do not intend to operate under the admin account just to order prints when all my photo items are sitting over on my user account - and would need to be shuffled around to allow access from the admin account.

Now fast forward to today, where as I type this post, I am finalizing the setup of a new online lab account with a different ROES package. One where I had tested their regular ROES package to insure it worked correctly - and it did. So, being hopeful, I signed up for their Pro service and am currently installing their Pro version. And guess what? It doesn't want to install. Dammit! What is going on? I have photos I need to get printed and this is getting ridiculous.

Not sure if this is a Mac OSX issue, a Java issue, or a ROES issue. Whatever the issue is, I am currently not able to do any online ordering. Which is not helping my photo business or my mood. Guess it's time to investigate this further and try to get it resolved.

And to finish this post out, I do have some more positive photo relate news. I will be making a business trip (for non-photo work) shortly and decided to pick up a small point-and-shoot camera to pop in my pocket while away. Was really surprised at how small they are now - it's smaller than my phone! Will be really interested to see how it performs and I'll report back on how well it performs in a later post.

EDIT!
As of 1:20pm I finally have ROES installed and running. To achieve this I ignored the installer's instructions to double-click the app to install; instead I manually dragged it to my Applications folder. Doing this, the authentication window popped up and once I authenticated, everything installed correctly - and it runs correctly too, in my User profile.

So, any photographers running Mac OSX and not able to install ROES, just drag/drop the app to your Applications folder and you should be good to go.

New portrait shoot

I recently undertook a portrait shoot as a part of a free giveaway I held on my Facebook page. This one was a little different in that my model wanted to hold the shoot at a library or bookstore as they are an aspiring author and wanted to be surrounded by books. Fortunately, the local bookstore I approached as the venue was very amenable and agreed to us holding the shoot on their premises.

I'm still pretty new to the whole portrait shoot, especially on location and it certainly ramped up my nerves some. Plus it meant that not only did I need to be aware of all technical issues with my camera and lens choice, I had to keep my lighting in check, stay aware of my model for poses; I also had to be very aware of the store's customers and try to not get in their way or have them get in my way. Unfortunately, as I found out, something had to give and I didn't do such as good a job as I could on directing my model - or providing good feedback and encouragement. With so much going on, I got too engrossed in the other tasks and was not the most communicative. Luckily for me, Debra (my model) was very helpful in filling in the gaps. It didn't hurt that we have known each other for a few years, so we had some common ground to build on.

All things considered, the shoot turned out pretty good. I have done some basic editing and provided proofs for Debra to make her final selection from. Once this is completed, I'll provide her with the agreed on number of digital files and also have one printed out for framing - in line with my basic photo package deal.

Here is one of the photos I took on the day, processed in TopazLabs BW Effects, that was actually taken after the shoot was winding down. I like it because it is much more relaxed and natural. though one thing you might not realize is that it was a "reject" image due to my flash not firing; meaning the overhead fluorescent lighting threw the colors off. Converting to B/W enabled me to save the shot; plus I do like the look of a good B/W image.

I have to admit, I'm toying with the idea of making some B/W HDR images just to see how they turn out. Yeah, I know I'm being weird, but art is all about experimenting and I view photography as a form of art that lends itself to experimentation.

Trying out some new software - first impressions

I recently get a new piece of editing software and have been taking a brief look into it's features on some of my previous portrait photos.

The software in question is PortraitProStudio and it is certainly very powerful in its editing features. So much so, I've found that I am having to dial down the settings to a more subtle level, as it is very easy to push things a little too far and enter the realm of "over processed".

Once I have found a good level of editing I certainly feel this will speed up my portrait editing and allow me to quickly dial the level of editing up or down to suit the subject and look I am after.

In all I have to say this is a very interesting and powerful software package, one that is currently on sale (half price). Well worth checking out if you do a lot of portrait and beauty work.

Back to basics

After a recent knock to my self confidence I have decided I'm just going to take photographs and not attempt to control genre, type and style. In other words, I'll be going back to how my photography began and photographing whatever caught my eye.

If you are wondering what happened to knock my self confidence, I'll give a brief explanation. Up until recently I had been doing more portrait shoots so, to get a little more exposure and (maybe) lead to some paid work, I offered a couple of free portrait shoots on my Facebook page. Well, long story short, I was taken aback with the low, to non-existent response I received. I received a grand total of one inquiry and even that has not been fully arranged and shot (needing to make finalized details etc). While I know that social media (and Facebook) can be a mixed blessing, I was taken aback somewhat.

And this brings me to where I am today, trying to push this aside and to pick up my camera, to shoot anything of any style, any subject. Even if it's just photos of my dogs, it's building myself back up. I'm going to be shooting for me and if you happen to like my photographs, it'll make me smile some more than I already am.

Now it's time to blow some cobwebs off my camera, dust off the lenses and go shoot something; anything!

Off camera flash

I've been working with off camera flash for a little while now, first by use of a TTL cable and then with the aid of a Nikon SU-800 flash commander to give full TTL (through the lens) flash control - including the ability to run in high-speed sync up to my camera's max shutter speed of 1/8000th sec.

I've been pretty happy with how the SU-800 has performed and only recently started looking at ways to overcome it's main limitations; the need for line of sight operation and, being IR (infra red) in it's triggering, it not liking bright lighting conditions.

Now I know that PocketWizard are the most popular brand out there, and also pretty pricey, I decided (also my wallet helped the decision) to test the waters with something a little cheaper. I found a good price on a "1 light" set of Phottix Ares triggers and have to be honest that I have mixed feelings on the performance and reliability I encountered.

My initial testing revealed a fairly significant "failure rate" of approx 5% where I either had no flash triggering or what appeared to be a sync issue with a dark band over the image. This was using a Nikon D2x and a Nikon SB-900 at max sync speed of 1/250th sec. I even dropped the speed to 1/200th sec with no real difference in performance.

Is this kind of failure common to radio triggers or is something inherent to the Phottix - or to my aging Nikon D2x, or the SB-900?

I'm now contemplating my next move. Keep the Phottix triggers, and live with the photo failures; return it as faulty (will a replacement be any better); or save up and buy a set of PocketWizard triggers? Which, if all radio based triggers have a failure rate, will I be better off spending out for PocketWizard's?

New year, new opportunities

With the turn of another year I wanted to take the opportunity to wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year.

I will be undertaking more portrait work (free and paid) and generally making efforts to expand my posts on here in the year to come. In general though I just want to spend a lot more time behind my camera taking and making photographs.